How to Marry a Startup
by Jeremy McCarthy
So you want to work at a startup company, but you just don’t know how to approach the task. You don’t just want a job. You want to marry the startup of your dreams and live happily-ever-after.
Finding a startup job and finding a spouse have many similarities. And the approach taken to find a startup job or a spouse will depend on the individual.
What am I looking for? The girl-next-door? Tall, dark and handsome? Supermodel? An athlete? Before you even start searching for that ideal startup, it is important to understand just what it is you are trying to find. Do you like high tech or biotech? Something still in the garage or on its fourth round of funding? Breakneck speed or a comfortable jog? Define what you are targeting so that you can focus your efforts in the right places and be happy with your choice. But remember to be open. You might go looking for a supermodel but realize that you’re actually in love with the girl-next-door.
Be prepared. No, this does not mean a trip to the corner drugstore. Prepare yourself mentally and physically. When looking for a mate, you don’t just decide what you want and “get out there” to start looking. A more effective way is to prepare yourself. You get a haircut, get some new clothes and shoes, make friends aware you are actively “on the market” again, and formulate a strategy. The same goes for a startup search. Get your resume in order. Make friends aware that you are “on the market” again, and let them know what you are looking for. Prepare yourself to change your habits and schedule to maximize your chance of finding your startup mate. Document your strategy and execute on it.
Where to look. You know what you’re looking for, and you are prepared and ready to rumble. So where do you find your true love? On the Internet? Through friends? The local club scene? Your job search offers similar options: job boards, referrals, job fairs, and recruiters. If you’re looking to marry a nice Jewish gal, you don’t go to CatholicSingles.com. Which means you don’t go to Monster.com to find jobs at startup companies either. Find the niche sites that have exactly what you want. Maybe that site is right under your nose. (insert shameless VentureLoop plug here)
Our friends can do a pretty good job of matching us up with potential mates as well, because they know us and what we like. But sometimes they just want to get two single friends together and there’s really not a spark. Use referrals to find job leads, but remember to do your own due diligence.
You can also find fleeting romance at a club or bar, but rarely do those result in meaningful relationships. These are like job fairs. A big meet market where everyone is there to check out as many people as possible, but rarely do you meet that special company for a lasting relationship.
And don’t forget recruiters. Recruiters are really paid matchmakers for companies, not for candidates. They can find some great targeted mates for their corporate clients, but just bear in mind that the startup pays their bills. Recruiters do not survive by finding jobs for candidates.
The Approach. When you start to look for your mate, it’s usually not a good idea to sign up for seven different online dating sites, talk non-stop to your friends about finding the right person, go to clubs four nights a week scoping out prospects, and moping around saying no one wants to marry you. You don’t want to do that in your startup search either. Target your approach, and don’t make your job search your life. Just like finding a spouse, it usually happens when you’re not trying so hard. You expose yourself to the right opportunities, but you don’t let it dominate your life. Getting your resume posted on ten job boards, applying to 25 jobs each week, constantly nagging friends for job leads, and complaining that you’ll never find the right job is the wrong approach. Live your life, create opportunities to be exposed to the right kind of startup companies, and relax.
Research. When you meet someone, you like to find out as much about them as you can before going alone on a date. Especially if you were not introduced to them by someone you know. You research them. Look at their online profiles. Make sure they’re not on the FBI Most Wanted list and do a little bit of snooping around to both protect yourself and to make sure that they are what they claim to be. He said he went to Stanford, but his Facebook profile says University of Phoenix. Her Match.com profile says she loves animals, but a co-worker swears she’s a crazy cat lady. You should do the same for your startup search. Read articles about them. Research the management team. Talk to people who know the company. This is a life altering decision, so do your homework.
Dating. You found a great prospect. He asked you out. And now you have to see if the chemistry works. Unfortunately, you don’t have the benefit of dating for several months or years to make a decision about marrying your startup. Sometimes you only have one date, and they pop the question. Will you come work for us? Your interviews may be your only shot to determine whether or not you are a match. Make the most of your interviews. Come prepared with the research you did. You can be blinded by infatuation, so make sure to ask the tough questions. And do your reference checks on them. They aren’t the only ones who should be making sure you are what you seem to be.
Follow up. Don’t call the next day. Don’t be a stalker. It’s so hard to keep your cool when you find someone that triggers chemistry. But you’re not planning to call them tomorrow and leave voicemails every day until they respond, right? You want to at least seem a little bit unavailable. You’re not desperate. You have options. You are confident and comfortable. The same holds true with your startup search. Express interest and follow up, but don’t overwhelm them with emails and phone calls, and don’t hang out in the parking lot to “accidentally” run into the hiring manager. Startups want to know you’re interested, but they do not want to marry someone who seems desperate.
I just want to be friends. This one works both ways. Sometimes they just want to be your friend, and sometimes you just want to be theirs. And sometimes they are wacky stalker sociopaths, and you will change your phone number and go into witness protection. But we won’t go there. So the chemistry isn’t working. At least not for one of you. If you saw the relationship going further and they did not, it’s okay to be disappointed. Handle it like an adult and realize that it just wasn’t meant to be. The startup of your dreams awaits you around the corner and you just don’t know it yet. Conversely, you want to let them down easy and professionally if you just want to be friends. Be honest about your decision but don’t make it personal. They have invested time and emotion courting you, and you never know when you might run into them again some day.
Pulling the trigger. That day has arrived. You want to marry her. She wants to say yes. Be decisive. You’re in or you’re out. Startups want someone who can make decisions and move quickly. “Thinking it over” for several days tells them you aren’t startup material. But you feel a little nervous. That’s normal. If you don’t feel at least a little bit nervous, then you have not grasped the enormity of your decision and what it means to your life. However, if you can’t commit within 72 hours of getting an offer, something is wrong. She’s either not the right startup for you, or you haven’t done enough due diligence to gain comfort with your commitment.
Live happily ever after. Congratulations! You’ve found the love of your life and look forward to building a wonderful future together. There will be good times and bad times along the way. Enjoy the ride, and luck/economy/market space willing, you will live a happy life together and retire early. And don’t be jealous of the startups your friends have married. More stock options. Cooler technology. Better working conditions. No marriage is perfect, and your friend’s startup marriage has many issues too. Focus on your own marriage, and you will be much more successful and happy.
September 28th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Great analogy – thanks!